Some of you are aware that we suffered a terrible farm accident this week. In this tragic accident we lost our beautiful Shandy girl and our world forever changed.

There are those that will say, “she was just a dog” and to those people I would say….. No, actually I have nothing to say to them.

Losing Shandy has been devastating and difficult to work through. I was completely numb and disbelief the first day. I couldn’t stop replaying the accident in my head over and over again. I cried so much I wondered how a body could produce so many tears. I felt like I was drowning in waves of grief.

I tried to distract myself from the constant replay running through my head with work and showering attention on Boomer. Boomer was confused and lost about the sudden disappearance of his beloved sister and I tried hard to fill the void. But this didn’t help either. Focusing on work was impossible and spending all my time with Boomer was a constant reminder of his loss.

I finally decided to needed to take some time off work and allow myself the grace and space to heal. I fell into the common everyday experiences of my life. I made soap, gathered herbs and vegetables from the garden and retreated to my kitchen. Allowing my hands to take comfort in the familiar routine of washing, chopping, seasoning and cooking. The familiar rhythm that requires no conscience thought or effort only long ingrained muscle memory. I prepared a dinner of homegrown comfort food, garden tomato soup and zucchini pancakes with garlic dill sauce, washed down with raspberry rosemary mead. Feeding myself, body and soul, not only with these offerings from the garden but also with the care taken in preparing the food. I began the healing process.

Yes, there is always some type of loss on a farm but that doesn’t mean we get used to it or are immune. Rather I think it’s the opposite. I’m convinced that farmers live life with a fierceness that borders on reckless. We jump headfirst into the business of living knowing that there is pain, tragedy and loss around the corner, but also aware that life, breathtaking beauty and miracles are abundant. Some losses are harder, cut deeper and take longer to recover from, but we will always rally and dive back into the business of living.

I am still sad. I still miss her. But I know that nature heals, if I let it.
#Shandy #Shand-alous #ShanShan #ShandyPandy #GonebutNeverForgotten #WellLoved